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Finding the Confidence to be the Boss you are

I am going to start this blog tactically. This is important. Get a piece of paper and write this down. “I, {insert your name}, promise to stop telling myself that I was born without confidence. Instead, I will remember it is the journey of life that causes us to lose the confidence we were all born with.”. Stick this on your bathroom mirror and read it to yourself every morning.  

I want you to write this down and revisit it because it is incredibly important for those of us on a confidence journey to not self-sabotage with the untruth of our current situations. If we believe that some people are born with natural confidence and that others are born without any at all, we will be less likely to put in the work necessary to find our own confidence. That’s right, reclaiming your confidence is work but it is not impossible. If you believe that you had something and lost it, you are more likely to believe that you can get it back it again. That is the story you must repeat to yourself about confidence because it is the truth for us all. We are taught to question ourselves and other people. We are taught to care what people think and we are told to conform from an early age. Mix these teachings with the insecurity causing interactions of relationships and many of us can’t remember a time when we felt confident. We may confuse introversion, shyness, quietness, and calmness with a lack of confidence. We assume the boisterous public speakers are the most confident people in the world and we, a hot mess of stage fright and social awkwardness.

To start to rebuild confidence in ourselves, the first step is to separate true confidence from the outward characteristics we see in others that we often compare ourselves to. Confidence shows up differently in all of us, as does insecurity.  Rather than decide what confidence looks like in others, we should decide what confidence feels like to us. We must figure out who our inner boss is, so we can bring them out. We all have this boss. Your inner boss is the one that walks into a room and can immediately read the vibe to understand if something is wrong. She is the part of you that knows exactly the answer to the question or problem before someone can finish stating it. He is the instinct in each of us that wants us to learn, to help, to protect to grow. Your boss is the reason you are reading this right now. Every single one of has the boss so every single one of us can find our confidence again.

I have several tactics for finding your boss in your everyday activities which will lead to you building your confidence.

1.       First, write down a circumstance in your day’s activities when you feel least confident and one circumstance when you feel most confident.

2.       Write down five characteristics of your inner boss. These characteristics must be known to only you. They may be characteristics you have never shared outwardly but know exist for you. This is your first test in confidence. Nobody else is watching what you write, nobody must agree with you. Be arrogant, tell your truth. What are the five things that make you a boss?

3.       Once you have your five things, reflect on the most confident moments of your day and think about if your boss is showing up in the moments and how. Write it down. For me, I am most confident when I work out in the morning because I have accomplished so much to get out bed and work on my health. My inner boss characteristic of wanting to accomplish the goals I set for myself is showing up.

4.       Once you have mapped your inner boss to your most confident moments, give yourself one task that will help you bring out your inner boss in your least confident moment. I doubt myself and my abilities when I haven’t prepared for a meeting I have during the day. I feel overwhelmed and insecure not about the contents of the meeting but about myself and my ability to manage all that I have going on in a quality way that allows me to be proactive. Knowing I have an inner boss that wants to achieve goals, I can help myself with confidence by setting a goal to block preparation time on my calendar for the weeks’ worth of meetings. I feel great when I follow through with these prep blocks of time. Pulling what is naturally my confidence that I can achieve a goal into my moments of insecurity adds another moment of confidence to my day.

For more tactical strategies to build confidence every day, sign up for the Daily Boss Up membership at Members will have access to daily text motivations and tips as well as private video blogs and articles with easy to execute tips on the topics that will help you build your leadership tool kit and be the boss of your career and your life.

Danielle ShootsComment